New.

It's strange to see this. This is the primary school I went to in England for two years. This is where I started being weak and scared. I've wondered before about how everything would've turned out if we had stayed in Scotland. Maybe it wouldn't have been that different because I've always had Tori, and through Tori I found my girlfriend. I wonder if I would've done English at uni, or how I would be with food and all those things.

The next couple of weeks should be good.

Drug Drug Druggy

I've just watched a documentary, BBC's Horizons, about drug taking. It wasn't about illegal drugs, only prescription pills or those available in supermarkets or chemists. The whole programme was quite interesting, especially when you think about how clever a game of chance medicine actually is. I think this is what fascinates Margaret Atwood about the genetic side of science; that we can be in control of us and can and over-rule nature and its intentions. The scientists play. Anyway, intelligence and science are fascinating and necessary, but then there are the side effects and the risks which act as a 'fuck you' to all the scientists, chemists and participants who perform the trials, but we still think it's worth it to try, and we still think we have a right to complain when it all goes wrong. The thing that struck me the most about the programme was the woman who was, and still is, addicted to codeine. She takes over-the-counter pills containing codeine although the pills don't need to contain it as there isn't enough to make any significant difference to the pain relief, but there is enough to become addicted to it. All I could think about was how I used to mess about with Co-Codamol and Zapain by taking the strong ones casually; not even for pain, but for that fuzzy drowsy feeling that made everything seem better. These pills contain 30mg of codeine each. It is a wonderful feeling, even though it makes my nose itch. It makes sleep so much easier and every action, even though it becomes sluggish, becomes so much more enjoyable. The woman was taking 70 pills a day, obviously not containing that much codeine, but just enough to keep her going because she had built up such a tolerance to it that she needed more and more just to feel okay. It's just scary how we play. How the drug companies play, and how easy it is to mess up. It still baffles me that people are so bothered about staying alive and 'being okay' in the first place.


Most Poignant Moment award goes to:

Life Without Buildings- The Leanover

if i lose you
if i lose you
if i lose you
if i lose you
uh huh, uh huh, uh huh, mmm
if i, if i, if i, if i, if i
b-b-b-b-baby g g g, so g g g, you you you
if i lose you
if i lose you
uh huh, uh huh
if i lose you in the street
if i lose you in the street
if i lose you in the street at night
if i lose you in the street
if i lose, don't be sad
if i lose you in the street
if i lose you in the street, hey
if i lose you in the street
g g come here come here come
feel for you
kiss me, break my mind, close the door
black steel, break my mind, close the door
black steel, the sight of you falling out
the sight of you
if i lose you in the street, six
if i lose you in the street
i say, i say, i say, i say, i say, i say
wassup, wassup with you?
wassup with your friends?
high hills, high hills
oh i, m b v m b v m b v m b v m b v more m b v hi fi
i wanna see you
stand up, stand up, stand up
in the high hills
don't trade, don't don't i don't trade
don't trade, don't don't i don't trade
may i, may i walk with you?
may i walk with you? uh-oh
in the time takes to slide it back
in the time it changes, recorded at the automat
san francisco mixed with uh-oh
in the time takes to slide it back
in the time it changes shhhhh
emotional chi, emotional chi
come on baby, don't fuss
in the time takes to slide it back
say a what say a what eh eh eh eh eh eh eh
in the time takes to slide it back
questions say what
i like you mostly late at night
hold tight, hold tight, hold tight with a tight
budokan warp, budokan warp, we warp
b b b b b freestyle
i like you mostly late at night
break my mind, break my mind
in the time takes to slide it back
raining in my room, sweet and sleepy
wassup wassup
i can remember i can remember four
we can we can we can we can three
keep us together keep us together keep us together
in the time takes sliding back
in the time takes sliding back
in the time takes sliding back
forever
you can be me, swim
the face of you,
ok the face, we can take it back
i can take you the hills
days like television
days like television
d-d-d-d-d-days like television
face of you, the face of you
in the time takes to slide it back
in the time takes to slide it back
the face of you, for, that's all
should i wait for you s f l
should i wait for you?
should i wait for you?
come on, should i?
never forget who you are
there's no reason
d-d-d-d-d-d-d girls
there's no reason wassup
responsibility, free
in the time takes sliding back
in the time
responsibility, girls
d-d-d-d-d-d-d break
wassup
i don't trade
wassup
i don't trade
yeah yeah
i don't trade
wassup
contact, contact, just sweet remember contact
boom, contact, contact
that's the way, your first, your last, your only contact
uh-oh, uh-oh, contact
the first, the last, the only
bounce, twirl
i don't trade
i don't trade
yeah yeah
in the time takes sliding back
in the time takes sliding back
je danse, je suis
in the time takes sliding back
contact
je suis, je danse
d-d-d-d with a bit of freestyle
in the time takes sliding back
in the time takes sliding back
should i?
time takes sliding back
contact
he's the shaker, baby
he's the shaker, baby
he's the shaker, baby
he's the shaker, baby
contact
he's the shaker, baby
in the time takes sliding back
twelve o'clock
he's the shaker, baby
he's the shaker, baby
he's the shaker, baby
he's the shaker, baby
contact, swallow
twelve o'clock, one o'clock, no pretending
virginia, looking at it last night
virginia plain
recorded at the power plant, yeah
vacant together, vacant together, eyes vacant
he's the shaker, baby
he's the shaker, baby
he's the shaker, baby
he's the shaker, baby
he's the shaker, baby
he's the shaker, baby
he's the shaker, baby
no pretending, contact, you and me
contact, you and me
wassup, contact
he's the shaker
watch him, i can't stand the way, i don't like it
contact
he's the shaker, baby
he's the shaker, baby
i can't stand the way, i don't like it
contact
i don't like twelve o'clock either
contact
shake it, don't go vacant on me
don't go vacant on me
waiting, contact, shaking, baby
he's the shaker, baby
he's the shaker, baby
watch him, contact, shake it, baby
he's the shaker, baby
don't go vacant, baby
he's the shaker, baby
he's the shaker, baby
i can't stand the rain, i don't like it at all

Canongate

'The definitive collection of Bukowski's poetry, The Pleasures of the Damned, is being published in the UK for the first time. Bukowski is one of those poets who gets stolen regularly from bookshops, which just goes to show what a popular guy he is. So don't miss out on this 'best of the best' collection – but please don't steal it. Also available is the new edition of Howard Sounes's biography - Charles Bukowski: Locked in the Arms of a Crazy Life.'


YES!