I have felt this happening for a little while, but I'm trying not to let it get hold of me. It all happened about five years ago and I'm still irresponsible sometimes. I feel close to messing up and I just want someone to help me.

Being in someone's house without the someone is a bit strange. I drove to Kat's about an hour ago because I could hear noises in my room. I've been living alone for a week or so and I think it's getting to me a bit. But it's not too bad because I have Kat's keys so I can stay here even though she's away. I think I'm going to stay up for a while and read stuff on newspaper websites because I don't bother to read them when I'm online using my phone.

I can't wait to live in somewhere I'm proud of. One year :)

I feel horrible. I feel like I am horrible.

I managed to book some more Tori tickets today without giving myself a headache or breaking my phone. That's all seven gigs booked now. I can relax.

Now that I'v finished uni I have been reading and writing more. Chris and I have decided to work on putting the zine together seeing as the last attempt just faded out and never went anywhere. Hopefully this time will be different.

Lately, I seem to be writing about childhood. I noticed when I was writing my dissertation that Margaret Atwood does this a lot in her work, so maybe I'm stealing ideas from her. But maybe because I'm young it's the only period of my life I've had time to look back and think about. I mean, I'm 21 soon but I still don't feel like I can look back to my teenage self and criticise her because I probably still feel some of the same things and I'm still prepared to admit how difficult a time I had. The most prominent part of those years doesn't need to be written about. Well, maybe it does. I have tried but nobody can feel what I feel. Does that matter? Anyway, right now I'm writing about the time I hallucinated because of the giant M&M I had in my room.